this cracked me up today

Smart Answers to Stupid Questions About Kenya

These questions about Kenya were posted on a Kenyan tourism portal and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Kenya? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Mombasa to Nakuru - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres....take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Kenya? (Sweden).
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes!

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Kenya? Can you send me a list of them in Nairobi and Mombasa? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in Kenya? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Koinange Street. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Kenya?(USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Kenya? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Do you have perfume in Kenya? (France)
A: No. We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Kenya? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Kenya where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Kenya? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Kenya? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Nairobi and is milk available all year round? (Holland)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Kenya who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Kenyan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.