oh the sheer joy

of getting back into gear after a week of being totally stuck in apathy, overwhelm, don't-know-where-to-start-and-my-dsl-is-down-so-I'll-just-give-up slughood.

I'm not sure what turned, because my dsl is still down. There's still a bewilderment of projects and deadlines on my To-Do list. But today, I feel I can begin. Maybe it was hanging out this weekend with people who inspired me with their commitment to daily physical and spiritual practice. Maybe it's just gut-level terror that the longer I put things off the more impossible they'll get. Maybe it was guilt and frustration at all the fun I missed, all the friends I cancelled on, all the meetings I blew last week, just by being so disorganized. But here I am, up at 4am, in my local internet cafe at 6am, 3 tasks crossed off my list by 6.30am, while the sky turned luminous over the hills.

My reward, in an hour and a half, is a Pilates class. It always feels like an extravagance to pay for a class when I could do my own practice at home. But the pleasure of surrendering to a teacher's direction, getting skilful adjustments, not having to think at all for an hour, is so acute, it recharges my own practice for days - sometimes weeks.